Alternate Scenes in Revenge of the Fallen
by Krittle-v
Summary: Mock parody to various scenes of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. Please R&R if it makes you laugh!
1. Scene: the sliver is spotted

**Scene: the sliver is spotted**

Wheelie covertly spies from the long grass outside Samuel Witwicky's house. Mikaela walks to her bike taking no notice of the little toy car. Wheelie uses his x-ray scanners to scan Mikaela's purse identifying an object nestled amongst her possessions. It is a sliver of the AllSpark cube. He promptly sends an encrypted message to Soundwave who has infiltrated an Earth satellite and is orbiting the planet.

"Female has sliver from cube"

Soundwave replies back, "Soundwave acknowledges. Pursue her. Retrieve it."

Wheelie grimaces and sends a response back to Soundwave, "Ok, I got a better idea. How about rather than going to the effort of getting the shard of the AllSpark, why don't you send down ravage once Bumblebee is far enough away, kill the female human and use the sliver to revive Megatron. It sounds like a much better plan than having me sneak around waiting for an opportunity to steal the sliver where I will most likely get caught in the process."

Soundwave scoffs at the tiny Decepticon's message, "Don't be ridiculous, the sliver is too small to revive Lord Megatron."

Another encrypted message is sent to outer space, "Well, that doesn't make any sense at all! The AllSpark is not limited by size, didn't you watch the first movie! It was the size of a building and Bumblebee made it transform until it was pocket sized. If anything, the sliver is 1 of 10000 percentage of the smaller cube and when reverted back to its original size even a 1 of 10000 percentage of a building is a few bricks."

Soundwave hesitate before sending his final message, "Just shut your vocals and do what you're told."


	2. Scene: Megatron is revived

**Scene: Megatron is revived**

Over the North Atlantic Ocean, ravage propels like a fireball from the sky landing onboard a cargo ship sailing across the waters. Disguised Decepticons hiding within the ship as machine vehicles transform jumping into the deep waters below.

The U.S.S Topeka submarine skimming on the top of the ocean alights in frenzy.

"Conn, Sonar. Gained new contact, bearing 214, and possible hostile, confirmed for Project Deep Six Drop Point."

The commanding officer approaches his crew member assigned to sonar duty.

"What do you got?"

"SU pulled five contacts at 5,000 feet, diving fast."

The submarine crew initiate code red across the vessel, manning their battle stations.

The Decepticons dive swiftly through the ocean until the five robots reach the sand bed of the ocean floor. In no time, they locate the damaged remains of the Decepticon leader. Ravage opens the caverns of his chest to eject the spider looking Decepticon identified as the Doctor.

The Doctor scatters his metal legs across Megatron's body examining the robot's condition. In a commanding voice the Doctor demands "Need parts! Kill the little one!"

The other Decepticon's comply, tearing apart the smallest robot in their team and diverting his components to Megatron's body as the shard of the AllSpark is inserted into his lifeless spark illuminating a bright blue glow on impact.

Megatron is revived and immediately powers his thrusters to escape the bottom of the ocean. As Megatron screams through the waters, a member of the submarine crew exclaims in horror, "Angel Six, we got six hostiles coming up."

Megatron, who has highly sensitive audio receptions, picks up the exclamation of the human aboard the submarine. Megatron mumbles to himself in a mocking tone, "Six? Really? Six? Five dive and resurrect me… but what about the little robot we tore to pieces! I shall punish you for your failure at kindergarten mathematics."

On his drive through the ocean, Megatron diverts his body straight for the submarine colliding furiously into the vessel's side spinning it frantically through the waters.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

Seriously, rewatch ROTF! They say six!

- - krittle rolls a newpaper and begin smacking Michael Bay on the forehead - -

"Bad bay… bad… bad Bay."


	3. Scene: the Fallen is defeated

**Scene: Ending montage**

Optimus dealt the fatal blow, plunging his fist deep inside the Fallen's chest bursting it out the other side, the enemy's spark clenched in his hand.

As the Fallen's lifeless metal body slid to the ground Optimus exclaimed... "I rise, you fall!"

Megatron and Starscream, battered and damaged, watched on in shock, quickly fleeing the scene of their leader's demise.

Long angle shots of the survivors. Soldiers walking across the battleground sand. Sam and Mikaela in arms as they watched Optimus walk in the background, appearing from behind the Egyptian sphinx.

Optimus began shedding his newly acquired weaponry and amour from his metal body.

Ironhide yelled across the grounds, "Hey Optimus, what the slag are you doing?"

Optimus twisted around in shock, "What?"

"Are you sure you won't be needing those, I mean I am the weapons expert. Jetfire's artillery, they cut what was supposed to be a climatic battle into a two minute bitch slap. Maybe we should keep them for next time?"

Optimus sneered, "Where is the challenge in that?"


	4. Scene: the Fallen inserts the matrix

**Scene: the Fallen inserts the matrix**

Sam yelled for Optimus to find the strength to fight.

"He's turning on the machine! You gotta stop him get up!"

With a loud scream that his lungs could produce, "OPTIMUS!"

All the while Optimus is thinking, _Oh for the sake of the Matrix I am not deaf! And I was just dead. Like seriously cut a bot some slack. _

The Fallen with the matrix of leadership finally in his hands transports himself to the top of the Gaza Pyramid, to the exposed control panel of the sun harvester's tip.

Megatron is waiting for him. "Fallen my master."

The malicious robot exclaims as he inserts the matrix powering the doomsday machine, "My brothers could not stop me from this, now I claim your sun!"

Human soldiers scatter on the sandy ground below, screaming for their artillery to attack the enemy robots attempting to destroy the planet.

"Enemy target on top of pyramid engage engage engage."

An assortment of rocket launchers and army tanks target their weapons at the top of the pyramid. Rockets burst against the stone structure, barely missing the Decepticons and the harvester machine.

The Fallen initiates his attack. Lifting his arms into the air a heavy base sound emanates from the Decepticon leader. With a wave of his hands he attracts all the metal objects surrounding the grounds like a magnet. He pulls all metal towards the pyramid until the sea of metal is high above in the sky. He drops his hands sending all the objects crashing down the pyramid like scrap.

Megatron turns to his master with a bewildered look, "Since when did you become Magneto?"


	5. Scene: Sam is reunited with his parents

**Scene: Sam is reunited with his parents**

After Bumblebee demolished Ravage and Rampage Sam is finally reunited with his kidnapped parents.

Explosions burst all around them as Sam, with Mikaela to his side, Ron and Judy, all scramble to find a safe route away from the nearby blasts.

Cowering against a brick wall, Sam realises the mortal danger closing in around them. He calls out to Bumblebee who comes quickly to his cries.

"You get them somewhere safe, all right?"

Sam turns to his father, "You've got to get in the car and get to safety."

Ron grabs his son by the shirt, adamant against the plan, "No this isn't up for discussion!" His fears of losing Sam overtaking his mind, "You're my son! You're my son! We all go together."

Sam calmly convinces his father "You have to let me go…" commanding his parents that they have to run. Reluctantly, they both agree. They know Sam has a duty, a mission to complete. They have to believe in their son and realise they would only threaten his life if they stayed.

Turning to get into the yellow camero Sam turns to his girlfriend pleading, "Mikaela, go with my parents."

She grimaces at his suggestion, "I'm not gonna go without you."

Without even the slightest resistance, he grabs her hand and starts running out into the battleground. Ron screams out to them forcing Sam and Mikaela to halt in their tracks.

"Whoa whoa whoa! What…she can go with you through the warzone! Slightly hypocritical isn't it?"

Sam remarks back, "But she's my girlfriend."

Baffled, Ron and Judy shake their heads. "What the hell can she do that we can't?"

"Well," Sam reasons, "when she runs, and all her jiggly parts bounce, she can give 16 year old boys boners."

"Oh." Sam's parents sighed.


	6. Scene: Optimus' body is lifted to NEST

**Scene: Optimus' body is lifted to the NEST base**

New Jersey. NEST, the American government's covert military team rendezvoused at the New Jersey army base.

The team surround the open grounds of the base as they waited for the lifeless body of the Autobot leader Optimus Prime to arrive. Each solider burdened with their own level of grief.

Optimus' body is airlifted through the sky descended from wires connected to a Chinook army chopper.

Still far from touching the ground, the cords that connect the robot's body to the chopper snap in unions, sending the corpse plummeting to the ground with a loud thud.

Epps and Lennox rolled their eyes, "Nice, completely respectful."


	7. Scene: Optimus' Upgrade

**Scene: Optimus' Upgrade**

As Jetfire lay dying, he spoke his dying words ripping his own spark out from inside his metal chest, "Optimus, _take my parts_ and you will have a power you've never known. _Fulfill your destiny_!"

The lifeless body of the courageous cybertronian toppled to the sandy ground.

Ratchet and a blue Autobot run to the scene. Electrical wires flinging through the air connecting to Jetfire's body across to Optimus.

Ratchet orders, "Jolt, electricity, transfer those afterburners."

"Wait, what, Ratchet what did you say!" Sam screams across to the robots, who abruptly halt their mechanical transfer process.

"Um, afterburners?" Ratchet stood still, stunned at the human that ran towards him.

"No before that."

"Jolt?"

"Yeah that!" Sam said pointing a finger at Ratchet, "Since when was Jolt in this movie."

"I was in the background in two separate scenes." Jolt declared drawing Sam's attention.

"Well what the frick is up with that. Why the hell introduce a new character at the end of a movie, without giving him any screen time what so ever."

"I don't know Sam. Maybe I will get more screen time in the next movie." Jolt shrugged with a positive tone.

"Not to burst your bubble, but you are not going to be in the next movie."

Jolt flinched in shock, lowering his shoulders to a slump, "Oh son of a…"

"Hey!" Opitmus suddenly yelled out alarming every around him, "Sun destroyer powering up over there…"


	8. Scene: Sam, Mikaela & Leo are kidnapped

**Scene: Sam, Mikaela & Leo are kidnapped**

Sam, Leo and Mikaela are trapped inside their automobile prison as the Decepticon Grindor airlifts the car through the sky.

Meanwhile, Optimus and Bumblebee are in hot pursuit, racing to the scene. Stopping just outside an abandoned warehouse, the two Autobots can hear the Decepticons within where surely they are holding their human comrades captive.

Eager to break in Bumblebee advances on the building, transforming into his robot mode. Optimus follows suit, halting the young Autobot in his tracks.

"Ok Bumblebee," Optimus declared, "Here is the plan." Bumblebee listened intently.

"We go in there and kick the Decepticons asses. First chance we get, we grab Sam and the others and take them to safety. But remember, we stay together. I don't want one of us to end up in an outnumbered fight."

"Affirmative Prime." Bumblebee nodded with a fierce gaze. Optimus nodded back as he walked towards the building climbing up its walls to ambush the Decepticons from above.

Bumblebee whispered under his breath, "F**k that, I have fifty bucks riding on you getting your exhaust kicked."


	9. Scene: the fallen reveals himself

**Scene: the fallen reveals himself**

With the last Prime dead, the Fallen commanded the Decepticons to infiltrate Earth. Hacking into the planet's satellite relay systems, Megatron sent a prerecorded message across every variety of human communication media devices. _You are not alone in this universe… hand over this boy… _

Megatron swiftly located his Master, rendezvousing with the Fallen shortly after he, and a group of newly arrived Decepticon, destroyed an aircraft carrier vessel in the Atlantic Ocean.

"My master." Megatron bowed as he Fallen looked upon him.

"Rise my apprentice." The Fallen's ominous voice capturing his menacing power.

But Megatron was not intimidated. In fact for the first time, he felt no intimidation from his masochistic leader.

"Master, there is something that has been troubling me." Megatron stroked his chin as he spoke. "Well, if Optimus Prime was the only one that had any hope in defeating you, and I just killed him, then technically, that makes me the most powerful doesn't it?"

"Your point being Megatron?"

"No no. No point. Just remember that when my birthday comes around."


	10. Scene: Sam solves the puzzle

Scene: Sam solves the puzzle

After being transported into the dry desert sands of Egypt and listening to a brief history lesson of the sun harvester and the matrix of leadership from Jetfire, Samuel Witwicky, with his friends at his side, questioned the old Autobot if that legendary matrix could be used to bring Optimus Prime back to life.

"It was never designed for that purpose but it is an energy like no other." A spark of hope igniting inside Sam as Jetfire didn't negate his proposal.

"So then how do you get us to the matrix before the Decepticons get to me?" Sam questioned.

Jetfire lit up in passionate address, "Follow your mind, your map. Your symbols! What you carved in the sand is your clue." Even louder, "When dawn alights the daggers tip, the three kings will reveal the doorway…"

Sam let those words seep into his mind_, the daggers tip, the three kings will reveal the doorway._

"Go now!" Jetfire wailed, "Go Go before…" His words fell silent as he watched Sam reach into his back pocket.

"What is that?" Jetfire absorbed with curiousity at the technological object in Sam's hand.

Sam button mashed the square object, "Oh, its my iphone. Just give me a sec."

Jetfire watched with intense gaze. Smiling to himself, Sam remarked loudly, "Ok! Wikipedia says the constellation known as orion's belt is also known as the three kings. And the picture here on the site shows that the stars point like a dagger towards the Mountains of Petra. The matrix has to be there."

Simmons, Mikaela and Leo smiled warmly at Sam's research skills. Jetfire just stared with bewildered before coughing a displeased reaction, "I have been here for centuries looking for the matrix and you find it in under a minute!"

Sam shrugged, "Too bad they didn't have google when you were around huh?"


	11. Scene: Forest Battle

**Scene: Forest Battle **

The three homicidal-maniac Decepticons were beating the living circuits out of Optimus Prime as he fought gallantly to protect Sam from their evil clutches. Megatron's canon delivered a direct hit into Optimus' chest hurtling him across the forest floor, dirt spilling into the air. Sam frantically ducked and rolled to avoid being pulverized by the massive Autobot as he tumbled across the ground.

Recomposing himself after the damaging fall, Optimus spat out all the loose pieces of metal that had broken inside his mouth.

In a distrustful sinister voice Megatron questioned Optimus, "Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?" Sam pleaded to his protector to continue fighting, "Optimus get up!"

Courageously standing to face the three evil foes surrounding him Optimus declared, "You'll never stop at one!" and unsheathed his energy blades embedded within his wrists, "I'll take you all on!"

As Optimus leapt forward to attack he was halted in shock as the four alien robots heard the faint voice of a human, completely distinct from that of the human child they knew to be in their vicinity, "You can do it!" The man screamed in a Mexican accent.

Sam, Optimus and three Decepticons froze still staring at the skinny middle-aged human standing in the forest bushes.

"Rob Schneider!" Starscream scoffed finally breaking the awkward silence. "I hate Rob Schneider!" he bellowed as he pulled out his gun and blasted the actor into vapour. Sam looked at Optimus and shrugged, Optimus returning the sentiment before plunging back into the intense battle.

**AUTHORS NOTES:**

^The above is the result of randomness and sleepiness. :) haha

Also, I have been meaning to reply to a review of chapter 10: Sam solves the puzzle by SkyHighFan. Obviously, thank you for putting so much thought into a review! It makes it so much more fun when people get involved. And of course to my rebuttal:

In this alternate version Sam is a cheap arse like his father- so he smashes Leo's phone, but not his precious Iphone (all hail Steve Jobs, thy master)

Also, Simmons didn't attempt to feel up Sam searching for his phone because he was having conflicting emotions about the boy and decided to keep his distance.

And finally, Simmons wasn't with the 3g network, so he had crap reception.

^ Again, randomness laughter ensues.


	12. Scene: No College for Bumblebee

Scene: No College for Bumblebee

Bumblebee face palmed his forehead in a rage, _dammit I destroyed half of Sam's house again _he screamed loudly inside his head.

"Yeah you know you did bad." Sam remarked adding salt to the wound of humiliation.

Sam decided to change the subject, noticing Bumblebee had clearly learnt his lesson, and also because something had been weighing heavily on his mind.

"Bee we need to talk about the college thing." He began. The pleasant change in conversation made Bumblebee dance and play 'I'm so excited' loudly from his radio. The camero's celebratory happiness was instantly demolished when Sam yelled over the music, "You're not going!"

Bumblebee hunched over in depression, air escaping from his vents that could be compared to a human sigh and artificial liquid spraying from his optic sockets.

Mikaela decided to leave the two boys alone to talk.

Even though he felt guilty for emotionally hurting his first car he forced himself to finish the discussion he started, "Look Bumblebee, I am all grown up now. My parents expect a lot of me. I expect a lot of me. I need a car that is sophisticated and suits my new lifestyle. I need to stop dicking around."

Bumblebee shook in a tantrum, "So, you're breaking up with me because I'm too…_blonde?_"


	13. Scene: Optimus' Upgrade Sam's View

**Scene: Optimus' Upgrade- Sam's View**

_Continuation of Optimus' Upgrade_

As Jetfire lay dying, he spoke his dying words ripping his own spark out from inside his metal chest, "Optimus, _take my parts_ and you will have a power you've never known. _Fulfill your destiny_!"

The lifeless body of the courageous cybertronian toppled to the sandy ground.

Sam's mind fumbled inside itself. He turned to Mikaela, who was still clinging to his side grateful to have her boyfriend alive.

"Hey didn't Jetfire say only a prime can defeat the fallen?"

"Yeah…" She answered curiously.

"But he will be using Jetfire's parts…"

Mikaela tilted her head and sighed to herself… _hmmm _whilst Sam just frowned and shook his head, _unbelievable. _


	14. Scene: Enemy Scrotum

**Scene: Enemy Scrotum **

Simmons was risking life and limb climbing up the pyramid of Geza after Devastator, the Decepticon that threatened to tear the monument apart to reveal the alien machine dwelling within that could destroy all life on earth.

Exhausted but determined he climbed as fast as his left would take him after the enormous alien, his walkie talkie in hand. Peering upwards at the alien tearing debris away he spied two metal sphere clanging together in the middle of its crouch.

Simmons stomped and began to scoff, "Alright that's it! I am out!"

Devastator looked down suddenly spotting the small human male who was beginning his decent from the pyramid. It glared at him and screamed a vicious growl.

Simmons just turned his head back and pointed his finger directly at Devastator, "Nope! I have had it!" he yelled, Devastator pulling back wide eyed in shock.

Simmons continued to bellow in a rant, "Firstly, Sam's dogs are humping each other. Then a Decepticon in the skin of a woman tries to dry hump him. We have alien toy cars humping female legs, old cybertronians farting, the main characters falling on each other's crouches. And now THIS! Seriously. I am out- screw you perverts I am going home!"


	15. Scene: The Ending sequence

**Scene: The Ending Montage**

As Sam look out into the ocean onboard the American Military aircraft vessel he finally felt safe and utterly relieved that this day was finally over. That the fallen was now defeated and he was no longer a wanted fugitive.

Optimus looked out to see Samuel Witwicky alone at the edge of the ship and decided now was a better time than any to thank him.

Sam heard the steady footprints of his alien friend approaching, "Thank you Sam for saving my life."

"Your welcome, thank you for believing in me."

The two stood quietly for a moment before Sam broke the silence, "So… big bot… old buddy old pal. Super powerful afterburner jets huh."

Optimus smirked, "Yeah flying was invigorating."

"Ah huh," Sam responded his words implying more words were about to come, "So they were pretty fast weren't they. I mean you traveled up to the top of the pyramid faster than the speed of that beam from the sun harvester."

"Yeap, super quick Sam." Optimus responded proudly.

"So…" Sam turned his body around to face Optimus, "You decided not to chase Megatron and Starscream after they ran. I mean that were so beaten they wouldn't have been even remotely a challenge. You could have ended the war you know."

A few seconds of silence.

"Well," Optimus responded in deep thought, "If I did that then I wouldn't have a reason to do my rhetorical speeches at the end of the movies! And I so enjoy doing those."

Sam just rolled his eyes and walked away, Optimus smiling as he began his profound ending speech… again.


	16. Scene: Optimus' Address

**Scene: Optimus' address**

As Optimus addressed, in his most formal fashion to the telecommunication screens, the military generals of NEST Ratchet, the twins, the Acree units, Sidewipe and Ironhide listened intently in their alternate modes.

Optimus, as always, was his charismatic and captivating self, the deep thrall of his vocals drawing the attention of all in the room, and over the video link. However, one Autobot dared to whisper silently to his comrade.

"Hey Ironhide." Sideswipe breathed in the lowest decibel he could.

"Shhh." Ironhide grumbled, but Sideswipe took the acknowledgement as a cue to continue talking, now knowing the black topkick could hear him.

"Why are we still in these modes?"

Ironhide scoffed, "You know our orders! Except for the twins the rest of us are to remain in vehicle modes as much as possible, have no interactions with the main characters of the plot and have the least amount of dialogue possible. Under no circumstances are we to have any character development!"

"Yes Sir." Sideswipe responded with a hint of disgruntled sarcasm.


	17. Scene: Savage Spews Insecticons

**Scene: Savage spews Insecticons**

Savage had successfully landed on earth, crashing into the waves of a shoreline, the cold liquids cooling his metal exterior after the heated entry through earth's atmosphere. Initiating his command protocols, Savage crawled sneakily through the guarded boarders of the human army base in search of the mapped entry point in his memory banks.

_Stupid organics _Savage scoffed in his head as he furiously sprinted across the army fields littered with motion detectors and scanners. His movements so graceful and powerful alike that of an earth jaguar.

Reaching a small vent leading to the room containing the AllSpark shard, his target, Savage wrapped his mouth around the opening hole spewing thousands of tiny insecticons that were dwelling within his interior awaiting their extraction.

Once Savage had completely removed all the little metal machines from his stomach he paused. Crickets chirping and the wind blowing silently until…

"Argh!" Savage yelled momentarily grabbing his metal 'paw' shaped limb to his stomach.

"Oh Primus that hurt! Like a million knives slicing through my body! For the love of the Matrix… arghhhh. I don't get paid enough for this! I think I'll go back to smuggling drugs for Starscream!"


	18. NOT a Chapter a thank you!

NOT a Chapter- a thank you!

Dear all my readers!

Thought I'd take an opportunity to truly thank you all for the time taken to read my little mock parody here! I truly appreciate all reviews / favourites and comments. It completely makes writing a comedy worth it- when people laugh with you.

Also, I'd like to add... to those who told me the transformer I wrote is ravage not savage, I totally failed there! But I think I'll leave the failure in, makes me laugh every time I read it.

Thank you to the multiple reviewers who let me know what they think about each new chapter. I'll try and keep these little laughs coming!

Xx krittle


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